One of the Group

Perhaps everybody feels different. But I don't think so. Most people seem to do everything they can to be like everybody else. They wear similar clothes, or the clothes that people they admire say they should wear. They wear their hair in the same style, even when it doesn't suit them. They talk the same way, using the same intonations, as the chavs do, for example. They like, or pretend to like, the same music and the same movies and the same tv programs and so on.

Or no, that isn't quite true. It's truer to say that people try to be like the people who are in the groups they want to belong to. I think most people don't feel happy unless they belong to a group. Why is this? Because it makes them feel safe? Being one of the gang means you feel strong(er) and you feel protected from others who might attack you or misuse you or treat you in ways you're afraid of. Is that it? Is that all to do with fear and belonging to a group makes you feel safe?

Yes, I think it is.

I want to feel safe. But I don't want to belong to a gang or any kind of group. Is this bad or is this good? Or doesn't it matter? Sometimes I wish I did belong to some strong and interesting group. But whenever I've tried, I've failed. And this makes me feel miserable. The others in the group always know from the start that I'm not really like them (and that I don't want to be). And I've not felt comfortable, not really myself all the time I've tried to be 'one of the group'.

-This is All: The Pillow Book of Cordelia Kenn, Aidan Chambers

http://www.aidanchambers.co.uk/